ABC Declines to Renew Whoopi Goldberg’s Contract: “It’s Time to Move

ABC Declines to Renew Whoopi Goldberg’s Contract: “It’s Time to Move

They didn’t fire her.
They didn’t cancel her. They didn’t even cancel her show.
What ABC did instead, to deal with its neverending Whoopi Goldberg problem, was to simply decline to re-sign her to a new contract.
The move will cost Goldberg her lead on a popular show and upwards of $36 million per year in salary and endorsements.

“It’s time to move on,” said Programming Director Joe Barron, “she had a good run..” Barron said the network is constantly inundated with complaints from people who don’t like Goldberg. “Most of them can’t explain why, but it’s their right not to,” he commented.

Goldberg’s manager, Art Tubolls, says the negotiations are far from over and that he expects ABC to offer his client a new contract through 2029. “She is the show,” he said, “who’s gonna run it, Joy Behar? She doesn’t have the star power to do what Whoopi does.”

Barron says Behar isn’t the only option, as freeing up all that cash could net the show two new hosts. “I’ll bet we could get both Alyssa Milano and Kathy Griffin for half of that,” he chuckled. Alyssa Milano ignored our request for comment. Again.

Dear person reviewing this for Adsense for the millionth time: This post is satire. There is nothing dangerous or derogatory about it. Thanks for stopping by.

Related Posts

Each morning, as the sun rises, a wild elephant named Raja takes his post along a quiet forest road — calm, towering, and ready to collect his “tax.” He stops passing vehicles not with aggression, but with quiet patience. Drivers roll down their windows, offering bananas or sugarcane, which Raja accepts gently before stepping aside to let them pass. Over the years, he’s become a beloved legend — the “tax collector” of the wild. Videos of his polite toll-taking have gone viral, showing a rare harmony between humans and nature. But conservationists warn: feeding wild elephants, even gentle ones like Raja, can create dependence and danger. “The best way to love him,” one official said, “is to keep him wild.” Still, for those who’ve met Raja, the memory lingers — the soft brush of his trunk, the calm in his eyes, and the quiet reminder that true coexistence is built on respect, not fear. 👇 Full story and video in the comments.

On a winding road through Sri Lanka’s southeastern wilderness, an extraordinary local legend has emerged — a wild elephant named Raja, affectionately known by villagers and travelers…

When Grown Kids Use Parents As Pawns

Raising children is a lifelong responsibility that often doesn’t end once they reach adulthood. Many parents find that their challenges only increase as their children grow older…

God Bless the USA

God Bless the USA

Melania Trump opens up on her health and …

Melania Trump skipped much of her husband’s campaign, citing a busy schedule, though her memoir hit No. 1 on the New York Times list in October.She won’t…

SAD NEWS: Oprah Winfrey was confirmed as…See more

In a deeply emotional development, Oprah Winfrey, the 70-year-old media mogul and beloved global icon, has reportedly been hospitalized following a severe medical emergency at her Montecito,…

This morning we lost a beloved singer, someone we deeply admired… See more

This morning brought heartbreaking news as the world learned of the passing of a beloved singer, someone whose voice touched countless lives. Fans everywhere are mourning the…

Leave a Reply