ABC Declines to Renew Whoopi Goldberg’s Contract: “It’s Time to Move

ABC Declines to Renew Whoopi Goldberg’s Contract: “It’s Time to Move

They didn’t fire her.
They didn’t cancel her. They didn’t even cancel her show.
What ABC did instead, to deal with its neverending Whoopi Goldberg problem, was to simply decline to re-sign her to a new contract.
The move will cost Goldberg her lead on a popular show and upwards of $36 million per year in salary and endorsements.

“It’s time to move on,” said Programming Director Joe Barron, “she had a good run..” Barron said the network is constantly inundated with complaints from people who don’t like Goldberg. “Most of them can’t explain why, but it’s their right not to,” he commented.

Goldberg’s manager, Art Tubolls, says the negotiations are far from over and that he expects ABC to offer his client a new contract through 2029. “She is the show,” he said, “who’s gonna run it, Joy Behar? She doesn’t have the star power to do what Whoopi does.”

Barron says Behar isn’t the only option, as freeing up all that cash could net the show two new hosts. “I’ll bet we could get both Alyssa Milano and Kathy Griffin for half of that,” he chuckled. Alyssa Milano ignored our request for comment. Again.

Dear person reviewing this for Adsense for the millionth time: This post is satire. There is nothing dangerous or derogatory about it. Thanks for stopping by.

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