Riley Gaines Beat Lia Thomas For the Last Spot on the US Women’s Olympic Team

Riley Gaines Beat Lia Thomas For the Last Spot on the US Women’s Olympic Team


In what bookmakers are calling the upset of all time in women’s swimming, Riley Gaines beat Lia Thomas for the last spot left on the US Women’s Olympic Team.

USWOT President Joe Barron says they weren’t considering Gaines at all until she requested a qualifier against the other six people already in contention. She had her attorney draw up a letter, and boom: It was on.

“Ms. Gaines wasn’t going to sit on the sidelines and do nothing,” said Attorney Ryan J Fish of Williams, Vanden, and Boom, “the only fair play was to get in the pool.”

Against incredible odds, Gaines pulled out a win by less than a second in the 10K Meter Quad Stroke. “It was really impressive,” said Barron, “she never gave up.”

That’s what being a superstar is all about. We sent ALLOD Forensic Journalist Tara Newhole to Kentucky, because we couldn’t think of a better place to have a race with Riley Gaines in it, and found that the entire story may be fabricated, but that it’s “plausibly true if you think about it.”

In essence, what Riley Gaines has gone through has brought us to the point that rewarding her for continuing to make a 5th-place tie so relevant has become about a bi-weekly thing, and that’s probably not gonna stop until someone new joins “The View.”

God Bless You, Riley Gaines, and your funny-looking eyes and ridiculously small tuchus. You make us all want to be better Americans.

Related Posts

The Hidden Meaning Behind Glass Bottle Trees

Ever seen a tree adorned with colorful glass bottles and wondered about its purpose? That eye-catching display is known as a bottle tree, and it’s far more…

The first line of American Girl dolls was released in 1986, and since then many children and even adults have enjoyed these toys. Part of what makes…

NEWS & CURRENT EVENTS Study Suggests Key Link That Could Help Explain Autism Development

The importance of our gut microbiota to our health has become increasingly clear recently as more and more studies have been released. Everything from how we react…

The danger of storing this in the refrigerator: a common habit that can affect your health

Many people think that storing potatoes in the refrigerator is a perfect way to maintain them fresher for longer. However, this seemingly harmless habit can have terrible…

This visual test reveals your ‘worst flaw’ based on the first animal you see

It’s an illustration that, at first glance, looks like the outline of a human face, but hides several superimposed animal figures. This type of visual test has…

Trump’s Surprise Power Move Stuns America

Millions of protestors gathered across the US on Saturday across thousands of events to protest against Donald Trump’s administration in a planned series of events called “No…

Leave a Reply