Riley Gaines Beat Lia Thomas For the Last Spot on the US Women’s Olympic Team

Riley Gaines Beat Lia Thomas For the Last Spot on the US Women’s Olympic Team


In what bookmakers are calling the upset of all time in women’s swimming, Riley Gaines beat Lia Thomas for the last spot left on the US Women’s Olympic Team.

USWOT President Joe Barron says they weren’t considering Gaines at all until she requested a qualifier against the other six people already in contention. She had her attorney draw up a letter, and boom: It was on.

“Ms. Gaines wasn’t going to sit on the sidelines and do nothing,” said Attorney Ryan J Fish of Williams, Vanden, and Boom, “the only fair play was to get in the pool.”

Against incredible odds, Gaines pulled out a win by less than a second in the 10K Meter Quad Stroke. “It was really impressive,” said Barron, “she never gave up.”

That’s what being a superstar is all about. We sent ALLOD Forensic Journalist Tara Newhole to Kentucky, because we couldn’t think of a better place to have a race with Riley Gaines in it, and found that the entire story may be fabricated, but that it’s “plausibly true if you think about it.”

In essence, what Riley Gaines has gone through has brought us to the point that rewarding her for continuing to make a 5th-place tie so relevant has become about a bi-weekly thing, and that’s probably not gonna stop until someone new joins “The View.”

God Bless You, Riley Gaines, and your funny-looking eyes and ridiculously small tuchus. You make us all want to be better Americans.

Related Posts

51 Confirmed De.ad, Dozens Missing in Catastrophic Texas Flooding

A peaceful summer along Texas’ Guadalupe River turned tragic as flash floods swept through the region, killing at least 51 people. Rescue teams continue searching for dozens…

Everything we know about Texas floods as 20 children still missing

Texas Flash Floods Leave 24 Dead, 20+ Children Still Missing: What We Know So Far As Texas recovers from a deadly natural disaster, emergency officials have confirmed…

Bush, Obama Join Forces To Criticize Closing Of USAID By Trump

Former Presidents George W. Bush and Barack Obama joined U2 frontman Bono on Monday to console USAID employees and take some final shots at President Donald Trump…

Scientists Claim Breakthrough In Amelia Earhart Mystery After 88 Years

Nearly everyone in the modern day is aware of the mystery surrounding Amelia Earhart, but decades later, the location of her plane crash may have finally been…

Doctor Reveals 7 Health Issues Hidden in Your Nails — What They Could Be Telling You

The image you’ve shared shows vertical ridges (also called longitudinal ridging) and brittle or splitting nails, which can be signs of several underlying health conditions or nutritional…

This man has over 560 piercings on his body, which earned him a world record 😱 In addition to the piercings, he has horn-shaped implants in his forehead and his body is almost entirely covered in tattoos 😨 But the most fascinating part is that he used to be a regular office worker, and he got his first piercing at the age of 40 😱😱 How this man looked before all these transformations was shown in the first comment 👇👇

This man has over 560 piercings on his body, which earned him a world record 😱 In addition to the piercings, he has horn-shaped implants in his…

Leave a Reply