Pete Carroll Sends Rookie Receiver Packing for Anthem Kneeling: “Get Off My Field

After a promising college career and a sensational jump to the 2nd-round of the draft, rookie wide receiver Joe Barron is a free agent again.

Barron, who signed with the Seattle Seahawks for $12 million for three years, broke the team’s zero-tolerance ‘anthem kneeling” policy by taking a knee during the song.

“He’s gonna say all kinds of stuff like he has the right, and that he’ll sue, but he signed the policy disclosure,” said Carroll, “He’s off the team and there’s nothing anyone can do about it.”

The NFL allows each team to set its own rules regarding protests as long as none of them happen during live game time. “That’s been outlawed since the McMahaon-Rozelle incident of 1985,” said NFL Deputy Commissioner Jack Bowman, “we don’t need another incident like that.”

We neglected to send ALLOD Sportsball Correspondent Tara Newhole to speak with Rozelle, since he’s dead, and Jim McMahon was still busy operating the forklift at his day job at the time of writing.

None of the relevant people in the article will have anything to do with us. “Why do you keep doing the kneeling thing?” asked Lucas, a guy I shared a cab with in Houston once, “Nobody has heard a thing about it for a few years now.”

Why indeed, patriots. The simplest explanation, as usual, is the correct one. Taters love certain controversies. They still think Lia Thomas won 40 world records last year. They pray that Whoopi was really fired the five times per month that we fire her. The answer is simple: God Bless America.