The ‘Middle Wife’

The ‘Middle Wife’


YOU MAY HAVE SEEN THIS BEFORE…BUT STILL GOOD FOR A LAUGH… The ‘Middle Wife’ by an Anonymous 2nd Grade Teacher I’ve been teaching now for about fifteen years. I have two kids myself, but the best birth story I know is the one I saw in my own second grade classroom a few years back. When I was a kid, I loved show-and-tell.. So I always have a few sessions with my students. It helps them get over shyness and usually, show-and-tell is pretty tame. Kids bring in pet turtles, model airplanes, pictures of fish they catch, stuff like that. And I never, ever place any boundaries or limitations on them. If they want to lug it in to school and talk about it, they’re welcome.
Well, one day this little girl, Erica, a very bright, very outgoing kid, takes her turn and waddles up to the front of the class with a pillow

stuffed under her sweater. She holds up a snapshot of an infant. ‘This is Luke, my baby brother, and. I’m going to tell you about his birthday.’ First, Mom and Dad made him as a symbol of their love, and then Dad put a seed in my Mom’s stomach, and Luke grew in there. He ate for nine months through an umbrella cord.’ She’s standing there with her hands on the pillow, and I’m trying not to laugh and wishing I had my camcorder with me. The kids are watching her in amazement. Then, about two Saturdays ago, my Mom starts going, ‘Oh, Oh, Oh, Oh!’

Erica puts a hand behind her back and groans. ‘She walked around the house for, like an hour, ‘Oh, oh, oh!’ (Now this kid is doing a hysterical duck walk and groaning.)’My Dad called the middle wife. She delivers babies, but she doesn’t have sign on the car like the Domino’s man. They got my Mom to lie down in bed like this.’ (Then Erica lies down with her back against the wall.)’And then, pop! My Mom had this bag of water she kept in there in case he got thirsty, and it just blew up and spilled all over the bed, like psshhheew!’ (This kid has her legs spread with her little hands miming water flowing away. It was too much!) ‘Then the middle wife starts saying ‘push, push,’ and ‘breathe, breathe. They started counting, but never even got past ten. Then, all of a sudden, out comes my brother. He was covered in yucky stuff that they all said it was from Mom’s play-center, so there must be a lot of toys inside there. When he got out, the middle wife spanked him for crawling up in there in the first place.’ Then Erica stood up, took a big theatrical bow and returned to her seat. I’m sure I applauded the loudest. Ever since then, when it’s Show-and-tell day, I bring my camcorder, just in case another ‘Middle Wife’ comes along.

Related Posts

Entitled Mom Ruined My Daughter’s Birthday — Then Demanded I Apologize

I thought I had planned the perfect 13th birthday for my daughter, Lily—sparkling decorations, her favorite cake, and a backyard full of excited friends. Everything was going…

SPECIAL MIRACLE: 3 Missing Texas Girls Found Alive in a Hollow Tree 1 Mile From Camp — They Survived Nearly 10 Days Thanks to These 2 Things…

In a moment being hailed as one of the most extraordinary survival stories in U.S. history, three of the 27 girls missing after the Texas flood disaster…

FBI Director Vows Unwavering Effort to Bring Home American Hostages

Speaking at a ceremony honoring hostages and their families, the Director of the FBI reaffirmed the agency’s deep commitment to securing the safe return of American citizens…

Bull Thistle (Cirsium vulgare): A Wild Plant with Surprising Benefits

pesky weed, is a powerhouse of health benefits waiting to be tapped into. This hardy plant, with its spiky stems and vibrant purple flowers, offers surprising medicinal…

Full-Time Security

The FBI is implementing enhanced security measures for its Deputy Director, Dan Bongino, assigning a rotating team of up to 20 agents to provide 24/7 protection. The…

11 Family Secrets That Read Like Hollywood Stories — But They’re All Too Real

Families are full of love, laughter, and lessons learned, but there are also dark sides to many front doors. There are times when those shadows conceal tales…

Leave a Reply